It was Tulsa Time at the PGA Championship ladies and gents, and I thank CBS and ESPN for playing the Don Williams classic at every commercial break, so I “set my watch back to it” at least 300 times during the course of the weekend. Look him up kids, he was a Country music singer who sat on a stool, wore a cool hat, and sang real songs about country people, when ass shaking was not a prerequisite. But I digress.
The real story of PGA 2022 is the pharynx obstruction job by Mita Pereira, but we’ll get to that in a minute. First, let’s take a look at what else happened during a very eventful and exciting PGA tournament.
Scene One: the defending Champ wasn’t even in the building. Since Phil Mickelson—the oldest man to ever win a major—stuck his big, lefty hoof down his throat, likening the Saudi government to a Doctor Evil level organization, yet still able to reconcile using them to bend the knee of the PGA, he has been persona-non-grata on the tour, and the players didn’t seem to mind, only half-heartedly saying that he should have been there to defend his title. Although it sure didn’t sound like they were losing any sleep over it.
Scene Two: does anybody know if John Daly is still playing golf? If you were wondering, you came to the right place, because since Long John came out of nowhere to win the 1991 PGA tournament, the PGA is contractually obliged every year to remind everyone that John Daly came out of nowhere to win the 1991 PGA tournament. We get it. Look, I love Big John, but how long are we going to bleed this turnip? Also, did you see this dude’s stomach? My word. This thing is full of so much diet coke and Daytona wings it could feed a small village. He says he doesn’t hit as long as he used too. Really? I mean, with that physique I’m surprised he can still get the club over his head.
Anyhoo…then there was the Tiger scene. I’m rooting for the balding GOAT as much as anyone, but at this point it is as painful for me to watch as it is for him to play. I understand that he has a warrior’s mentality and he’s come back from hardship before, but this one may be too much at his age. Time will tell, and I’m not counting him completely out just yet, but it’s not looking good right now.
Which brings us to the tournament itself. No one was more excited after day one then this guy, having put a considerable wager on Rory Mcilroy to do the damn thing. At 33 he should be in the prime of his golf career, yet it seems like he just can’t put four days of solid golf together. I’m baffled by this, as I am sure he is as well. You’re going to get one transformative day out of him, along with a dud, and then maybe two meh performances. Not enough to keep you in the black if you’re of the gambling mindset. Perhaps he needs to eat a cheeseburger and grow those curly locks back. That was a good look. He’s going to win again…but when?
The Final Scene: with Mike Pereira holding the 54-hole lead after Saturday, the tournament was his to win…or lose, and he had some big names staring up at him on the leaderboard, ready for a Sunday charge. It just felt like he was going to do something very John Van De Velde-ish on the back nine, and boy he didn’t disappoint. With Will Zalatoris, Cameron Young, and Justin Thomas hot on his heels, he still held it together to manage a one stroke lead going to the final hole.
Then…disaster. The telecast kept telling us that Pereira had nerves of steel and that he wasn’t afraid of the moment, but he had a shaky back nine leading to him standing over his tee shot on the 18th. Instead of the safe play, pulling three-wood and hitting it into the fairway, your boy grabs the big stick, takes a deep breath and makes one of the worst swings I have ever seen, a half-hearted follow through zinger that sliced the ball left and into the water hazard. Unbelievable. Still, if he could manage a bogey, he could make it into the playoff with Zalatoris and Thomas, but, alas, it was not meant to be, as a double bogey plopped, and his shot at golf immortality turned into a shot at golf infamy. He was great and admirable after such a heart-breaking defeat, said all the right things, and handled himself professionally, but…that’s got to leave a scar.
And that, my friends, led us to a 3-hole aggregate playoff that everyone and their mother new Justin Thomas was going prevail in because, as a guy who plays golf for a living, he actually can use the flat stick a little. Zalatoris is as good a ball striker as there is, but that putter is a weapon of mass destruction for his tournament life. He has to get that thing figured out, and if he does, he will be a force to be reckoned with.
And so, the last man standing, Tiger’s BFF, the son of a PGA professional, hoisted the Wanamaker trophy for the second time in his career. He showed up on the biggest stage, coming from 7 shots back, with a 1% chance to claim the victory according to the telecast, and cemented his status as one of the best in the game right now. Bettors everywhere rejoiced
And, so, another PGA is in the books. You did us right, Tulsa. We shall\ time it up again in another 15 years.